EverydayParkinsons

Ep: On the hunt for Wild Topics

Words can be so hard to come by when you sit down to write. Well, I guess it is not the words but the ideas that slip through my mental fingers like oil. I mean what is the idea and what the hell am I going to write about this time. The world is my limit, right? There are more topics available to me than there are words to describe them. I guess I must start the hunt for the Topic of this week’s blog.

Go on, mighty Topic Hunter! Stalk your prey from the shadows and spring upon it when the poor Topic is distracted doing what topics do in the private world of wild and unfettered Topics. If I must explain how Wild Topics behave in the wild, I can only describe it like I would to a young child. “When a Mommy Topic loves a Daddy Topic very much, the Daddy Topic puts his Noun Next to the Mommy Topic’s verb and then a Baby topic is born in a cabbage patch somewhere in Indiana…” I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is 100% true.

To start my hunt, I must begin by knowing where to hunt. I could go hunt Baby Topics in Indiana, but that would be too easy. Besides, we need Wild Topics to breed and to grow strong, so I can continue writing. Honestly, nothing is more depressing than a wild Topic hunt in a barren landscape. Besides, killing Wild Baby Topics just seems morally wrong somehow.  Okay, back on topic, where do I begin this hunt?

From experience, I must only ask myself one simple question. What is driving me to write this blog anyway?

I want to tell myself that this is a generous thing I am doing for others, so I can sound all saintly and martyrish. Oh yes, please bow down before me and praise my greatness! Can you see how humble I am? I am doing this for you. It has nothing to do with me, my ego, my need to be seen or my need to be validated. (Did you hear that? Kind of starting to sound like an old 4^th step that was left to fester in the sun.) You see I am doing this to help the world know the misery of every day Parkinson’s and what it is like for those of us who live it. I mean there is no way that anyone with Parkinson’s can laugh and have a fruitful life. No, they must be burdened like an ass plowing a rocky field.

Wait, do you smell that? I think I am getting the musky hint of a topic off in the distance or is that just plain sarcasm I smell? Could the Wild Topic roaming somewhere be named Sarcasm? I guess it could, but what fun would that be. I mean if you can’t spot the Wild Topic of Sarcasm by now, I feel for you. That topic is as common as the wind in one of my blog posts.

Seriously though, I can smell it as I move closer. I am sniffing out hints of humility mixed with a tinge of wild unbridled thankfulness and bit of happiness. Interesting. I have never smelled this before. Hold on for just a minute, I need to look this Wild Topic up in my handy “Guide to Wild Topics and How to Identify Them: Preferably Identifying them before they identify and devour you.”

I know the title is a bit wonky but it is a handy book for sniffing out Topics.

The book says here, that this Wild Topic with this particular scent is called Gratitude. I think I have to read a bit more on this before I try to hunt this thing down. I wouldn’t want to get over my head in this hunt for a Topic. Since I am not sure what it means, give me another few minutes while I research it up a bit more. In the meantime, here is a joke for you to ponder. What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

Okay, I am back. Hardly seemed like any time at all. I am incredibly gifted at doing quick research while people wait. I have no idea how I got this talent but, hey, can’t look a gift horse in the mouth right?

Apparently, gratitude means, ‘the quality of being thankful: Readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” I mean could you be any more obscure on what a Wild Gratitude Topic is? Come on you stupid book on Wild Topics! Spell it out for me. Don’t speak to me in pig latin. Blah blah blah kindness. Blah, blah, blah, thankfulness. I have no idea what any of that means.

I think I heard the word kindness once at a Grateful Dead show back in the 80’s, but didn’t know what it meant and somehow knew it did not apply to me. In other words, I ignored the idiot spouting about kindness. Must have been one of those Harry Krishas, people. Not sure who Harry was but his people sure spouted weird things like kindness and happiness, but they always handed me a flower and invited me for dinner. Hey, their food was not half bad.

I think this gratitude thing needs more research. I don’t have time to take a lesson in foreign languages so I can interpret this book. Let me check one more thing.

Whoa, this Wild Topic called Gratitude is directly related to a strange type of Wild Topic of Grateful. It says here that the Wild Grateful Topic is part of a herd of Wild Gratitude Topics that tends to wander from the herd randomly. They tend to stay gone for bit before magically appearing back in the middle of the herd. It also says “See Old Wild Hippy Topics in the appendix.”  Seems oddly familiar though. Where, oh where, could I have heard that grateful word before. I know my memory is slipping and I am more forgetful than I have ever been, but I know that word and for some damn reason I want to dance when I hear it.

That’s messed up. Usually, those old Wild Hippy Topics kind of make me want to wretch. This one though, not so bad. It is pleasing and I am finding myself almost appreciative of that word. What a strange feeling. I am…..I am…….I am…..Am I thankful for that word?

I am shuddering at the thought of this. What is happening to me? Fucking Parkinson’s! This is your doing. I just know it. It must be one of the hidden symptoms that no one tells you about. It’s like the sleep issues, no one talks about it but all the Parkinson’s folks I have talked to seem to have it. This has to be one of those damned symptoms and I think it might be the worst one so far. The tremors. the forgetfulness, the waking all night long, the tripping over the ‘dog” those are a cake walk to this. Fuck this disease for making me think about being thankful! Gross.

Oh dammit, now I know where I heard of that Topic Grateful before……Hold on, need to put on Dark Star. Something from ’72 this time. Yeah, these guys are my favorite band. There was a store near where a I grew up where all the hippies hung out. Grateful Day or something like that. They always had music blaring out of the speakers. In fact, that is where I heard the Grateful Dead for the first time. Man, I am full of gratitude for that day. I found a music that resonated with my very being. You might even say I am grateful for that day. Oh no…….

Umm, please ignore anything that I have written above about the not knowing the word grateful. Pretend you never read it. I never said anything about not hearing that word before. What? I don’t know what you mean. Yeah, so what if they are called the Grateful Dead? How was I supposed to know that grateful and Grateful are the same exact word? One is a g and one is G. One is just one word, grateful the other is followed by Dead. Come on, just let it go please. Again, yes, I know what I wrote above and it was an honest mistake. Of course I know that grateful and Grateful are the same word, now. It was an honest mistake. And of course, I have heard of the grateful dead man story. Yes, yes, come down off your high horse, I know that is where they got their name.

Apparently, I do know the word grateful. I may even know what it means. I wonder if it has any relation to the Wild Topic of Gratitude?

Well slap me twice and call me Henry! Did I just not read what I wrote above that the Wild Topic of Grateful is an offshoot of the Gratitude herd. If I had done a second more of research, I would have seen that the Wild Topic of Gratitude can also be call the Wild Topic of Gratefulness. I blame you people for putting all the pressure on me. I didn’t want to waste your time and do thorough research on that Wild Topic, so I may have just skimmed and retained what I thought was important. Maybe? Know one knows for sure that is what happened. It is just a possibility in a long list of possible happenings. Besides, I am an old DeadHead. You can’t blame me. That’s all I am saying. I think blaming what some would call a misspent youth for my faux pas (and I would consider a great time,) would be a cop out.

Okay now. Can we please get back to hunting for this Wild and Illusive Topic now.

It is in my site. I lift my Wild Topic hunting rifle and aim right for the heart of the beast. I watch it through my scope, I can’t. I can’t just pull the trigger. This Gratitude is so majestic and beautiful, I cannot simply kill it. The sorrow of such an act would break me. Who am I to be out here playing god, making these Wild Topics bow before me with my shows of killing force. Who Am I to think I am all that and a box of chips served on a gold bar? I can’t believe I would be that arrogant to think that I would be able to even consider making anything bow to me.

*cough cough. I would never say anything like that or even think it. Just would not happen. I am much too humble to think that way. Honestly, I do not care what you think you read earlier. You misread it and that is all I am going to say on this matter. Except, you should really pay more attention. If you hadn’t spent your youth foolishly on drinking and partying, it would be much easier to pay attention now. People today, blaming their misspent youth on the mistakes they make today. It’s appalling and I am offended. Sheesh.

I drop my Wild Topic rifle in the dirt and approach the Wild Topic Gratitude from behind. Wait, Hold up! Daddy horse is putting his Noun next to the Mommy’s Verb. I will just let them finish. I will try not to watch, but I am seriously curious.

Okay, that took a while. Those Wild Topics have some stamina while putting their Nouns and Verbs together.

The daddy Wild Topic trots off somewhere to take a nap. Mommy Topic looks back at Daddy Topic with a forlorn and slightly irritated look. This is my chance!!! (Get your minds out of the gutter.) I decide on a new approach to Wild Topic Hunting. I make a break for it and take off at full speed and leap like a madman right onto the back of that Wild Topic of Gratitude, grabbing on to its mane as it tries to buck me off.

I get this weird feeling of joy and freedom as I ride across the plains on my Wild Topic. I can feel deep within me a sense of longing for my family, my friends, my job, my life. As this feeling grows, I start to whoop and holler like a wild man.

My hunt is over. I found my Wild Topic and it is beautiful. More beautiful than I ever expected. Sometimes, my Wild Topic disappears for days on end. She is a bit of a hussy and to go find her Daddy Wild Topic. But I can’t blame her for that. She needs to make more Baby Topics.

When she is gone though. I look at the world through a different lens. A world that is grim and deeply unhappy. I know she will always return if I think about her, but sometimes I forget. I do not like those times. No one around me likes those times.

I found that I have to ride my Wild Topic Gratitude daily. When I do my life is okay. My future does not matter because with the wind streaming through my hair as I ride, I know I am okay and alive right now.